| things are not gettin better. i have sudden outbursts when i feel that i am happy and i am settled here... but random scenes keep poppin up in my head and it makes me crazy. and that shit is the only thing that makes me not wanna be here. i know it`s hella shallow, but i can`t help it. i know i`m hella immature, and again, i can`t help it. if it bothers me, it bothers me. if i can`t stop it, then i don`t wana be around it, yet i let it get to my head. so even if i don`t see it, i can imagine it. woah that sucks.
anyways, few of you know what and who i`m talking about...or maybe just sabrina?
so hey, happy halloween guys. who`s going trick or treating? i hella want to. but then again, shit might bother me. but damn, i did not pay $40 for my costume to only be worn once, i have to wear it again tonight.
well the first time i actually wore it, infront of people would be the day i tried it on, which was like, hella days ago. 2nd time was at that costume party last saturday, which i did not take pictures of, but sabrina did, and i`ll be expecting that soon.
i thought people were guna think i`m weird cus my costumre was kinda different, and you won`t even tell what i am. but at that costume party some girl shouted "ohh look it`s strawberry shortcake!" and i was like, woah, how did she know? haha. and i learned to love it even more today when i realized that it`s somewhat, unique. i saw too much lady pirates today. french maids, and of course, what i was last year, a crazy outfit, yanno, mini skirts and tights and leg warmers or fishnets. and actually, i was that, the year before that too! eh anyways..i love my costume and i`m wearin it again tonight!! i would have wore it to school today, but the skirt is just too short, plus i had that parent conference with my counselor.
oh yeh, i`m about to get my 3rd truancy they said if i keep cutting this week. and once i get my 4th one, i`m kicked out of high school. and my mom said, if i`m guna get kicked out, might as well drop out! so now i dunno if i should be careful and try not to get kicked out, or be happy to know that i only need one more truancy and i`m actually free. but damn, i`m so close to graduation, i dunno why i`m thinkin of dropping. uhh i dunno maybe cus i hate school with a passion?
but i really think i should stick with it, i mean 7 more months, thats only a month more than a half a year. i should just hang in there. get it over with. i`m already set too, cus i`m already signed up for night school, i`m so ready to graduate, if i pass night school and 2nd semester of english that is.
everybody keeps telling me, even the lil voices in my head! (jk) that its SOOOOO CLOSE. i`ve come soo far. i worked hard for 10 years of my life, cus i started slackin off last year. and now i do have a chance to graduate, and i can taste it too =) SO WHY THE HECK DO I STILL WANNA GET THE FUCK UP OUTTA HERE?!
i confuse myself.
senior year is suppose to be the best year. but it`s not working out that way with all these shit that bothers me and all my ugly responsobilities, plus that fucking myspace layout for yearbook is killing me. plus i miss my boyfriend like way too much.
so i think i need to take time & list down the shit i should look forward to throughout the year.
-thanksgiving break (hey, that should be fun?)
-xmas break (hell fucking yeah that`s fun! Tahoe anyone =D?)
-ROTC Ball (fun fun fun)
-SPRING BREAK (even more fun, i hope?)
-PROM (need i say more?)
-AAG (i hope it`s fun this year)
-people`s 18th bday`s coming up!
-SUMMER (of course!)
-Philippines! hopefully, in January and July or August for sure!
ok so i was excited for like 5 seconds.. haha i still need to talk to my counselor. i mean Justin. haha, i think he`s the only one who can fix things. and also the only one who can ruin it. |
